Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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