It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
