I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
