I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm too high and old for this...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
