your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
