I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
