We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
