What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
