There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
