why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize