How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
