you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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