She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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