I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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