Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize