My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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