i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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