South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize