There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
