If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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