found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
