I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
