i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
