Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
