why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
