We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
