they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
