How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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