just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
