We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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