I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
