I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
