i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
