It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize