Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
sex in a hospital.. check
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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