Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
A bitchslap is in order.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
