you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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