I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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