Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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