Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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