so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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