Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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