i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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