i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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