everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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