Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
