She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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