Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I see more hoeing in ur future
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
