Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
