doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
