My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
