At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
