I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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