I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
