i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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