I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
