Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The air was thick with penises
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
