Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
