i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
