your parents love me but you hate me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
