it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
