The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
