i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
