i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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