forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
