speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize