Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
