you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
